Praise, Love, And Breakthroughs
The most significant, highest-return investment of my life!.
Haven’t even made it home yet. I asked my husband to get a hotel for the night and I would meet him there. We had the most epic night of my life! No joke! But what made it so epic is that before Sextacy I had felt like we could not connect as deeply as I needed and that it was his fault. The last four years I have shifted so many things through consciousness, learning to love myself fully, embracing everything as exactly what I need to learn and grow and get to the next level. I’ve been frustrated because my husband Jeremy has picked up a few things from me but has had no desire to join me on this journey. I felt jealous I’ve some of my friends who after leaving very difficult marriages we’re able to attract people who were aligned to their level of Consciousness and enlightenment as they are today instead of 20 years ago when I was needy and scared of who I really was. I share this with you in a space of huge vulnerability. But I think I came to this retreat to see what it would be like to connect to someone the same conscious awareness. I think that’s why I could not give my husband a definite description of my values intentions and what was not negotiable for this week. With that he took on a huge amount of fear and desire to control by asking me to make agreements that did not align with my heart. I felt like I needed to save him from his fears and so I agreed to things I did not honor me and my choices. Shelby spoke just a couple of words on the first day that dropped me to the ground and my heart screamed this is what you need! The Secret of what a woman wants is… the freedom to choose! After the sensual touch experience, which I chose into with my full yes and in which I experienced my first awareness of the difference between sensual and sexual touch, I started to fear what my husband would think and if I had broken our agreements. Christopher’s reminder that his fear is only a deep need of wanting love put me in a space of total LOVE for him and for myself before I reached out. I told him how much I loved him and that I was totally committed to him and that I wanted to renegotiate our agreements. I didn’t want to make a whole list of do’s and don’t. I wanted the freedom to follow a heart yes or a heart no with the impeccable integrity to my commitment to him of no sexual experiences with anyone else. That was it and he felt my love and told me go and be free to choose whatever my heart wanted.
That’s all I wanted.
With those words and that freedom to follow my heart all I wanted was HIM. I couldn’t even fully choose him until he let go and gave me that freedom. After that I realized I could fully FEEL what a hell yes it a hell no felt like without his strings attached.
The final piece of the puzzle was connected at the ceremony honoring the divine masculine where I realized I had not fully honored him in his divine. I did not have a relationship with his cock that he had with my pussy. I did not treat him like the fucking desirable masculine divine God that he is. I let years of shame go and recommited to create the relationship that I have so desperately wanted.
I am a fucking creator!!
I had 8 hours to plan all the ways I would show him how desirable he is. And, oh for the love of all that’s good in the universe, we had the most epic night of our lives. (Thank you to the Shawn’s for giving me some new ideas.) And even made our first porn video of me going down on him so he can take it on his week long motorcycle trip this week. No, don’t ask. It’s not for sale.
I have and always have had the love of my life. Thank you. Thank you for creating an experience where I could have this. So much love and awe filled gratitude today. Mmmmm.
If your heart is calling... the time is NOW
If your heart is calling and you feel fear… breathe… feel the fear and know that all growth happens outside of your comfort zone. You’ll be so happy when you follow your heart instead of staying stuck in your fear like so many times before.